Dilators for First-time Bliss – Yes or No?

Hi everyone, it’s been a while since I’ve posted. Not much has changed for me in terms of dating (still a very SinglePringle lol). But I’m hoping for some advice on this question.

I do tend to use clitoral toys when I masturbate, and sometimes, I’ll slip a finger inside my vagina. However, I’ve noticed that whenever I try putting two fingers in, it is extremely painful (unless I’m super horny) and three? It’s just not going to happen. Seriously, it’s bad. I’ve never been so aroused that I’m brave enough to put three fingers in comfortably. It’s a big yikes.

I don’t know if there are any women on MH who had sex for the first time in their 30s/40s, but if that was your story, did you use dilators to stretch yourself out before you had sex for the first time? I know marriage isn’t guaranteed, but it’s something that I’ve been looking into doing should I ever get married (or even want to use insertable toys at some point.) I’ll be 30 next year, and I have read some stories about women really struggling to have sex and having a very painful first time, which is sad. Since most people have sex in their teens and twenties, by the time you get to your 30s/40s, it’s a muscle that really hasn’t been used in that way at all, which poses its own set of problems.

I want to try and avoid that since that might make me avoid having sex altogether. Especially considering that most men my age have had sex, so it’s unlikely it’s an experience we’ll be sharing together in that sense. I doubt he’d understand what I’m going through mentally. (That’s why being with someone who hasn’t had sex might be easier, but again the likelihood is very slim at this point.) He’ll have crossed that barrier, and I’m still yet to do so, and I don’t want something like this making it worse on my end. Of course, if the situation ever arises, I would discuss it with him. But if he’s had sex, he’s likely to not understand why I feel the way that I do. I would hope that he does, but I think for those of us that wait a lot longer than the norm to have sex, there is a different set of emotions that you go through.

What are your thoughts on this?

Married women – Did you use dilators to make your first time easier? If not, would you use one in hindsight, regardless of the age you first had sex? How did you have that discussion with your now husband?

Married men – How did you feel when your wife brought up the topic of using dilators to make their first time more comfortable? If she didn’t, would you use one in hindsight, regardless of the age you first had sex? How would you have had that discussion with your now wife?

Single men and women – Are dilators something that you’d like to use to make first-time sex more comfortable should you get married?

Thanks for any insight you can provide on this

P.S – You may have noticed that I’ve said first time rather than “losing virginity” as I personally don’t like the phrase. When you lose something, you do that accidently but having sex is a very intentional thing so it’s a weird phrase to me (but that might be a topic for another discussion entirely).

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