Married but Still in Love with Someone from the Past

During my 7th and 8th grades my eyes fixated at a girl as we rode in the same school bus (she was a year younger than me, in 5th and 6th grade respectively) but we never spoke to each other; I didn’t see again her for 10 years as she went to high school elsewhere.

At the dawn of this new century I met a girl during my undergraduate studies who shook all the sensory cells from my brain to my feet; she was beautiful, godly, and intelligent.  Our first meeting was legendary: she had stopped to ask a favor from me; what came out of my mouth was a total personal embarrassment. I was a novice with ladies and very shy to express myself but heaps of heart pumps loosened my tongues to say these words: “I just love you!” Immediately I had to organize myself again not to look unchristian before her. We became friends and everything seemed perfect; I felt on top of the world, only to later realize she was the same girl of the past!

However, circumstances drew us apart, partly because we lacked basic knowledge about love and dating as Christian youths. But some other factors were beyond our control as her church policy also put me at a disadvantage: you could not propose to a girl except you first inform her pastor. I expressed my interest to her pastor, but since I was still a student, he didn’t see the possibility of my interest coming to fruition. I didn’t know that there was a new guy in their church who had expressed the same interest, and the pastor approved it, possibly because the man was working full-time. Sadly, the pastor didn’t inform her of my interest in marrying her; she married the other man and moved to another state.

I was crushed to the extent I couldn’t attend her wedding, thinking I would collapse there. I have not loved any other girl the way I loved her.

When I got married, my wife detected that something was not right, but she couldn’t tell what it was. She felt I was emotionally distant even though I acted right. In the meantime, I kept in touch with the other lady to know how she faired and she would call me whenever she needed help. I was always helping her, especially with things pertaining to academics.

A few years ago, she opened up to me about how difficult her marriage had been. Her husband and his family treated her so badly to the point she nursed suicidal thoughts. I wept, knowing she wouldn’t have gone through all that if she had been allowed to marry me. After exchanging more communications, we got to know the reasons why our friendship did not mature into marriage.

I’ve counselled her, prayed with her, and encouraged her in every way I know, partly because it’s the right thing to do and partly because I still love her a lot. She now depends on me for many things (finances excluded), knowing that I am always there to help, and our love for each other has deepened even though we still do not live in the same city. Her husband in recent times has apologized to her for all he and his family did and has become understanding, but that has not reduced her reliance on me.

Please pray for us not to jeopardize the Lord’s name in all of this; I also need honest counsel on the way forward. Has anyone here been in such a situation or do you know any? How was it resolved?

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